Lying - Who are we really protecting?

This past weekend, a very dear friend revealed a pretty significant bit of information to me that she had been hiding for over a year. I'm not going to delve into what exactly it was, but after thinking about it for the last 24 hours, I can't help but put my thoughts down on a blog.

I received a text message from my friend at about 1am saying (I'm paraphrasing), "Please call me tomorrow. There is something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a very long time and it's been very hard especially since you know me better than anyone." HUH??? I was thrown. What could it be? Is she sick or dying? Did she sleep with an ex? Is she a lesbian? I mean, my thoughts went wild from the time I received this text. I could barely sleep or concentrate until I spoke with her.

Well, needless to say, her confession wasn't devastating to me, especially since I was wondering if she was going to tell me she had only 6 months to live or something. I comforted her and let her know that it was okay and that it wasn't that big a deal and that she could've told me from the very beginning. We talked for about an hour after that and I think we were both fine and happy that the truth was out.

Well that was yesterday. Today I'm upset. I mean, why the lying??? I'm 32 years old. This is not high school people. Why did she have to wait a whole damn year to tell me something important like this??? The secret is not the problem, it's the deception. Now that I know the secret, I'm made aware of how long and how many times I've been lied to about this in the past year. On top of that, there were people close to me that also knew this secret and I was deliberately left out.

After this experience, it really got me thinking about lying. How many times have we heard, "Oh, I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you," or "I didn't want to get you upset," OR my favorite, "I didn't know how you'd react." BULLSHIT. Lying is about protecting yourself and not about the other person. Lying is about fear - plain and simple. Fear that one may lose someone dear to them. Fear that one will look really bad to others. Fear of the truth - that what they have been lying about gives that person the absolutely right to never want to speak to you again.

I know it's hard to ask people to stop lying in general. I mean, it's part of our everyday lives. We tell lies all the time, sometimes not even realizing it. All I ask is that we just try to live our lives in a manner that won't require lying to those we love. Do the right thing and you'll never have to lie about it.